...and a few life lessons I’d like my children to learn
Surprisingly often, when I find myself in new company and after a few rounds of small talk, someone comments on, 'You're such an optimist'. And then I stand there, confused, and think to myself: I haven’t even said anything!
These incidents made me realize that a serene worldview doesn’t only manifest in what we say or do, but also in what we don't. Did I accidentally break a complaint chain? Perhaps I blurbed in a peaceful comment about the future? It’s also in these moments that I realize that I run on autopilot myself, with a rather fortunate program running in the network of my mind.
Our attitude to life shines through between the lines, shows on our faces, and, ultimately, on our lives. Optimism is a form of presence.
Being an Optimist seems like a blessing you're born with; however, I'm the proof it’s a mindset that can be developed. So, I started collecting the rules I try to live by, ones that I believe make our time here more comforting, educational and fun.
In this article
Everything Happens For a Reason
…and for a good reason, otherwise this statement wouldn’t be all that reassuring. And what counts as good? Anything that ultimately leads you towards your Path. One day, many years from now, you’ll look back and see how everything makes sense - and that everything had to happen the way it did. It’s often not visible when you’re in it - c’est la vie. That’s where trust comes into the picture - if you’d like to enjoy the journey.
Optimism Means Trust
Being an Optimist means you trust that the future holds great things for you. You can achieve this state by taking a few different paths…
Trusting the Universe/God/call it what you want
Everyone has to ask themselves first, ‘Do you believe in a friendly universe?’ (The Secret). If the answer is yes, embrace it - you have what it takes to be a true optimist. If the answer is no, you might want to work on recovering your relationship with the Universe/God, or try the following options
Trusting Oneself
Your ability to gloriously overcome anything. Your strength, your creativity, your good fortune. Trusting that you’ll be alright because of who you are and what you’re capable of. To cultivate this, collect all that you’ve overcome and achieved
Trusting Humanity
You might want to seek great communities to cultivate some evidence for this - go volunteer, perhaps! When you’re surrounded with kind, selfless people - it restores your faith in humanity - and that’s a nice thing to have. In my experience, most people love helping others, they just need a clear and suitable way to do so
Could life get any better?
Sometimes, when just for a moment everything seems perfect, there's this natural concern that may arise - can this last? What next? Could life get any better… or have I just peaked?!
I like to think of life as an upward spiral - constantly extending as you go ahead. Things do indeed get better and better - if you’d like some proof for this, just make a list of all the things you have that you once just dreamt of… You are, you own, or you’ve experienced hundreds of things that you just wanted way back… it adds up, doesn’t it?
And what makes this spiral grow? Gratitude.
Gratitude as the Fuel for More Great Things
Gratitude simply creates more things to be grateful for. There are quite a few great reasons for this, depending on what you’re open to…
Mystical - Law of Attraction
Easing in with the most mystical (‘woo’) option, the infamous ‘Law of Attraction’. Where your attention goes, energy flows. If you indulge in feeling blessed, grateful, lucky -you’ll get more of that
Physical - Great vibration equals great opportunities
A perhaps more relatable approach, which I like to think of as a law of physics - but I don’t know anything about physics. What I do know is that when you’re grateful, you’re in an elevated state where it’s finally possible for great things to meet you.
Despite what we see in films, you’re not going to be handed your dream job, meet the love of your life, or find something valuable in the street when you’re at your lowest. You’re simply not on the right level for that to happen for you. Even if it did, you are likely to miss the opportunity - we can miss out on a great deal when we’re feeling down
Psychological - You find more of where your attention is
For our more down-to-earth friends, the psychological explanation could be that we simply see more great things when we’re in the habit of looking for them… When you’re ‘miserably single’ all you see is couples in the street. When you want a baby, you constantly bump into pregnant women, and when you’ve just bought a car, you realize just how many of the same type are around!
Be Fully Where You Are
Although I like to think that life gets better and better, sometimes I longingly think back to those careless younger years, back when I didn’t know anything about politics, mortgages, or other things that may weigh my mind down these days. Well, thanks to my journals, I know I had different imaginary problems then, and, although in hindsight they seem like smaller ones, they were bugging me just as much as my ‘real problems’ do these days.
As you look back at earlier stages, with a great distance, it’s easy to see how great it really was as a whole. The same way, it’s a nice practice to go ahead to the future in your mind, look at your present life, and collect all the things you might think of as ‘ those were the days’...
“I didn’t know we were making memories, I thought we were just having fun”
Why is this important? You only get one shot at enjoying the stage you are at right now. You can save yourself some future heartache by not worrying about things - when you know deep down that you’re going to be OK.
Challenges mean that there’s a Lesson to learn
I believe that everything is happening to us until our lesson is learned - our soul is here to experience and learn things, and thus level-up one step at a time. That’s why people tend to fall back into the same patterns, whether it’s always the same type of partners, bosses, events or interactions. Even the smallest of challenges is an opportunity to improve yourself…
Everyone is a Mirror to you
If you feel someone is annoying you, it’s because you lack something they have. I learned this a long time ago from a Hungarian poet, Weores Sandor. It’s not an easy one to accept - but if you really look for it, you’ll find the answer inside you.
Let’s say that I’m annoyed at a stranger speaking really loudly on the subway - you’d say I have every right to do so, but what benefit does that thought bring to me? Instead, I can spend those few stops contemplating what it is that this triggers. For me, it would probably be the lack of inhibitions that I could envy, the level of confidence and assertiveness - not an attractive quality taken to an extreme, but certainly one I could use more of!
Whether or not you find the answer in this mirror, you’ve spent your time with constructive contemplation - and not shallow annoyance.
The Stories You Tell Yourself Run Your Life
When I heard an Aussie refer to Australia as the ‘Lucky Country’ I couldn’t help but think - that’s not fair! What a great tagline is that?! What an amazing advantage that is! Meanwhile, where I come from, our anthem goes like:
‘Long torn by ill fate, Bring upon it a time of relief, This nation has suffered for all sins, Of the past and of the future!’
In case you’re wondering, this was written before Hungary lost 2 world wars, was invaded by Nazi Germans, from which it was ‘freed’ by Soviet Russia, who decided to stay for 40+ years imposing a bleak Communist Regime instead.
Our records before this anthem weren’t all rosy either - but one can’t help to think… How is reciting these lines helping us to break this pattern?!
The stories that run our lives dictate how things go for us, so we need to pay attention to how we think and speak about ourselves. If I call myself ‘lucky’, or I’m ‘always at the right place, at the right time’, or know that ‘‘I always achieve my dreams’ - it’s only a matter of time before I’ll find the evidence for that being true.
Authenticity is Key to Optimism
‘Toxic Positivity’ is a word thrown around by many, often confused with optimism. If it exists (though I’d argue that any attempt at positivity is better than none) it can only be ‘toxic’ when it’s not real, if you’re not giving space to things that are actually going on in you.
Don’t forget to cry when you need to cry - you’ll feel better after. Don’t suppress sadness, anxiety, anger, shame or fear - you’ll have to look at it eventually! So light a candle (or call your therapist) go in, feel it, journal (or talk it out) and get it out. If it didn’t work, do it again - in the meantime, try to stop and smell a rose once in a while.
Optimism is the Joyful Path
Is it an easy one? Nope. I’ve often felt like being a pessimist would be easier - the world supports you more. All you need to do is turn on the ‘news’ - a handpicked selection of miserable facts chosen for the day. What they don’t tell you is that in those very moments, there are millions of great things happening. For the good things, you might need to look around - and really look at first - but wherever you are, in the details, you’ll find the world is full of kindness, beauty and fun.
Now here’s the great news: if you keep looking for the great things, Optimism becomes a habit, before you know it. The mind tunes into it, and it becomes effortless. So make Optimism your default, and let it be one of those things that define you!
It’s a great thing to be known for - you enjoy life more and people enjoy being with you more. Optimism is a characteristic that can be learned, is much needed… and suits everyone.
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